Dating and all that goes with it – is, at it’s most basic, the same all over the world. That said here’s little information about dating and Japan. I'm sure each culture has it variations on a theme. Japan is going to be different than many western countries if only for the fact that many adults live with their parents until they are married. This has two knock-on effects, the first is that young adults generally don’t have sex at home and the second is that they’d quite like to get married at some point. They are having sex though, and they are dating. Japanese couples will often make use of love hotels, karaoke booths, the backs of cars, public parks and so on. But that’s not the focus of this particular article.
If you live with your parents all the time – they will eventually want to marry you off. Arranged marriages still occur though to a much lesser extent than a generation back. Some Japanese men may get mail order brides from near by poorer Asian countries. Far more Japanese men are married to foreigners than Japanese women. Let’s exclude those dating options and look and the way relatively normal people hook up.
Group dating is probably the one big difference. This will be organized so that you (usually) pay a set amount and then go to a restaurant with a friend or two of the same sex. You will then meet mutual acquaintances of the same and opposite sex that you may know or not know. Everyone there will be “the friend of a friend …” though. You all eat together then after you may go sing karaoke, if anyone gets along well they may pay off. This is called kompa.
If you make a fist and hold up your pinky finger, well in Japan, this means girlfriend.
It is quite common in Japan that after a date the bill will be split – so you each pay for half. You can ask for separate bills by saying (betsu-betsu). To me this is a wonderful idea that should be adopted in all countries. If you disagree with this you may be able to break this cultural mould and pay for everything. Some Japanese woman have the incredibly incorrect impression that all western men are gentlemen and that they should therefore allow them to pay the bill if they so request. It is unlikely a Japanese man will pay for the entire date; rather he will pay for his half. On the upside he may bring you presents.
Japan is quite closed and homogenous as a country, so if you visit and you are not Japanese you will probably be viewed as exotic. Of course exotic people can still be ugly and communication does tend to make up a large part of a relationship. Assuming every thing goes well and you do find yourself in a relationship, be forewarned that safe sex isn’t a strongly hammered in to the public consciousness as perhaps it is back home. There’s a wide view the sexual transmitted diseases only exist outside of Japan. This is not a fantasy you should buy into. It is also true that many Japanese condom brands are ever so slightly smaller. At larger drug stores there will a larger stock, so shop around. The pill is available but may require a visit to a particular clinic rather than the general physician. The majority of Japanese women believe the pill is something only prostitutes use and that it may cause permanent DNA mutation or something of the ilk. It is not widely used.
Go and have fun and be safe.
4 comments:
I absolutely LOVE the idea of splitting the bill. Makes so much more sense, especially for students. Don't know why Western culture hasn't adopted this practice. If you're interested,click here to check out my site and tell me what you think.
Pay everything for her at the first date. I am not telling this that you have to pay everything every time when you date with Japanese women. But I suggest you pay everything even though she offers to pay at the first date. Japanese women usually think Western men always pay for the ladies even though it is not the case all time. A Japanese woman who you are dating for the first time says “I will pay” for her food or movie ticket, but she is actually expecting that you pay everything for her because she has in her mind that Western men usually pay everything for the woman who is dating. You can let her pay for food or movies at second or third date, or even ask her to share the pay and she should not be offended by being asked to pay if she really likes you and enjoy spending time with you.
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When I went on my first date with my Japanese fiancé, I paid because I am brought up to think that it is the gentlemanly thing to do. We have went out a lot and she even came to London and spent time here with me. During her visit I paid for everything which I took great pleasure in doing. We are now engaged to be married but there were lots of difficult cultural dating differences in the beginning which resulted in lots of confusion and I wondered if we were ever going to progress any sort of relationship between us. We met briefly and exchanged details and then communicated by emails, phone and Skype. Then when we got to know each other I decided to make a special trip to Japan to visit her. She chose what we will do but I paid and she did not seem to mind. In fact she is very much into saving which I admire. Do you think I acted against what she would have expected by not sharing the bills. Also took her some chocs which I know she liked, but then towards the end of the trip I gave her a watch as a gift- her reaction was rather negative- she said 'another gift' in a very disapproving and almost upset tone. Have I offended by paying and my gift and should I apologise for it?
I have a Japanese fiancé. I dated her in Japan and England in a Western way. I paid for everything and she did not mind. In the beginning we had various cultural dating differences but me paying was not one of them. She was upset when I gave her a second gift during my trip to Japan especially to see her. We met in a previous trip to Tokyo, communicated a lot then I went over especially to see her. Now reading this blog and watching some YouTube videos about men paying on dates with Japanese women is considered offensive, did I act wrongly by paying and should I now explain and apologize to her?
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